Saturday, September 17, 2005

i can't believe i'm actually posting this in webdings. what more, hidden.
i'm sure smart ppl like you would be able to figure out how to read my post. but guess what, i really don't care whether you know it or not. i'm just gonna blog it out. if it's gonna make me feel better.. it's worth the risk.

she says i should spilt it up with you. i have every right to, anyway. so why the fuck am i having so much faith in you even after what you done to me? sometimes, i think i believe in you too much. everything will have an ending one day, right? i thought of myself, ten years down the road, waking up every morning seeing you by my side. it's something that i felt for the first time. the feeling of security and warmth. of love and care. don't you dare tell me all this were part of made believe. or what more, just a total lie.

i believe in you, but not the previous two. why? cos you've been my friend for the past one year and a half. i have faith in you bcos i know you like the back of my hand. jx says 'cherish the relationship, since you two took so hard to be together.' i am cherishing it, but are you doing likewise? it seems to me like a big no. no. you don't care. at all.

i hate lying to myself over and over again. having nightmares everynight that you would leave me in the dark; and i see you walking away with some other girl. the thought so hurts.. that when i think abt it, tears just roll down my eyes. is this what you want to put me through? and you still dare tell me it's for my own good? well, maybe for you it's better. cos you say you need time to study. but it doesn't give you an excuse not to contact me even with just one sms that says 'i love you'. and in the end, i was the one that took the initiative to make the first move.

you probably won't read this. cos you probably won't visit my blog. you'll probably never know how terrible i feel. i so fcuking hate myself sometimes for loving you so much.

» 11:08 PM