Saturday, April 30, 2005

sighh.

exams are coming.
and i can't seem to motivate myself to study, at all.

suppose to go airport to study today.
but we cancelled the plan.
decided it'll be better to study at home.

but guess what,
my newly reformatted com doesn't have microsoft powerpoint.
-__- wow
i'll die without edulearn, i need those slides desperately.

sighh.
how am i ever ever ever gonna get into a good class in sec three?
my average is what, only 62%?!
fcuk, i'm so stressed.

i'm so dying for science, history, geog and chinese
yes, chinese.
i probably fail every single subject.

man, why am i so negative?
nono. i have no right to be positive anyway.
things never works for me.
never.

miss lonely.
sighh.

» 4:04 PM

Thursday, April 28, 2005

there'll be a good show tml in school.
heh heh.
man i'm so cheeky. LOL.

just came back from tuition.
chinese tuition. x)
feeling okay today.
yupps.

have to empty our desks by tml.
damn.
i was like some nerd carrying so many files in parkway. lol.
if you're wondering why the hell i'm not studying,
and that i'm actually at parkway ...

seriously,
after school my plans were to go straight home;
but somehow me michele lu and cyn ended up at parkway. =x
had to buy someone's present marh. hees.

went to food court eat eat.
we shopped a lil after that.
we were at billabong isetan.
kinda fun then, hahaa.

all three of us tried those ultra short skirts they have there.
i'm telling you this now; i'm never wearing those kinda skirts ever in my entire life.

it's damn short, seriously.
i feel so bare when i wear them. =x

oh oh oh ! you know what?
i'm broke, once again.

i'm setting up the ABYGAIL fund, idea adapted from jennifer. xp
hahaa. it's a donation fund; if you're wondering.

abygail here is really really broke; she's in desperate need of help.
x(

i hope you understand. x)
it's good to do kind deeds; really.

» 9:58 PM

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

i'm wowed at life.

i'm wowing at the fact that i could actually live a life like this.
i'm wowing at the fact that exams are just next week.
and i'm even more wowed at the fact that i can just stone in front of my com now instead of studying.
i'm wowing now, talking to yenn ying.

fcukstrated.

» 9:27 PM

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

you populate only 1/6 of my inbox.
if you're smart you'll get what i mean dear.

nights to all.
candy dreams.

» 11:01 PM

sigh.
i don't even noe what to talk abt.

i wanna blog.
but i don't noe what to blog abt.
wow?

i'm just this weird weird person.
sometimes i just consider myself as the biggest mistake made to the society of mankind.
this life i'm living is just hell.

hah. i'm such a joke.

» 10:34 PM

Monday, April 25, 2005

the train journey

i was sitting alone at the side in the train, gazing out of the window to the passing scenery. the train was on its way towards south, where my parents lived. it was the summer holidays, and i was on my way back to visit them. this was the first visit ever since i left the house for college one year ago.

during this year, my perception of view towards life changed. i left home for college as a blonde with primpy bright coloured clothes; but now, my hair turned black, and what used to be bright colours that i wore faded to gothly shades. i just wonder what my mum and dad would think of me. as i gazed out, pieces of memories were brought back to my mind. the way they cried when i left for college, the way my dad pushed me on the swing when i was about four... we were picture-perfect, like those family portraits you see on televisions. they gave me everything i wanted; provided me with everything i needed; but this was how i let them down...

i met alex. he was the one that changed me and made me who i am now. he taught me how to drink and smoke. he introduced freedom to me; telling me to live my life for myself, in other words, do what i want to do. from a straight a student, i dropped to just failing every subject. teachers were concerned for me, but i just shoved their words off. i looked at life like a mixed up jigsaw the was impossible to fix; i felt alone. my life was dark then.

the train was close to another stop before reaching my destination. i felt like getting off the train, turn back and never go home again. the feeling of guilt and shame was taking its toll on me.

my mind was whirling. i didn't know what to do. the train was getting closer to the south by every second. i grabbed my cell phone and dialled that familiar number i knew for eighteen years of my life.

"hello?" someone picked up. it was my mum. i hastened on what to say. "anyone there?" she said, hearing nothing on the other line. the silence went on for a few more seconds, before i decided to say something.

"hey mum, it's me." i finally choked the words out.

"oh hi mandy! aren't you on the way home now?" she chirped, in the highest pitch. somehow the way she spoke made me felt worse.

"yeah, i am. i'm coming soon." i said, my voice was shaky.

"alright! so is there anything that matter?" i could hear the suspicion in her voice. she knew i had a reason to call.

the tears broke from my eyes. i was crying. if i could just share my misery with her, i would spill everything. i let out my whimps accidently. she heard them.

"mandy, are you crying? what's wrong?" she asked.

i told her, everything. about how i changed, and how badly i did for my results. it went on for about an hour and a half before i finally cooled down, with my tears dried.

"i was just wondering." i said, almost out of breath from all the crying, "if... you would still want me to come back to see you and dad." it took me a long time to get those words out of me; but it was spoken afterall.

the trained reached south, it was time to get off.

i was waiting for her answer.

"yes, come back my dear mandy. we still love you." she said.

(447 words)

21/30

» 11:58 PM

today is kinda slack day siah.
practically didn't have lessons the whole day. lol.
had like 4 free periods. lala~

after school we had the australian science competition thing.
i totally forgot abt it actually; until the rest reminded me.
so bo pian larh, have to stay back at school until like 4 plus.

after that we headed to kembagan mrt the roti prata shop there to eat.
yasmin, apple pie chow and the two nu ers michelles were there.
ate some pratas then me and michele lu went home together on 42.

yy laopo was sick today! =( damn sad. no one to talk to in sch.
sighh. she sneeze non-stop; until her nose all puffy and red. lol.

as for imee dear, sighh.
red puffy eyes wouldn't help matters dear!
sighh. be happy okay x)

» 11:36 PM

Saturday, April 23, 2005

sighh.
very very tired now.
but i got to blog.
it's been a long time since i've did.

okay so here's the deal. i'm not in a really good mood now; i may sound dead in this entry. but whatever. i don't give a damn.

first things first, singaporeans sucks.
they are SO stingy.
went to report at somerset mrt today at 8 in the morning for flag day.
it was suppose to end at one; but we slacked, so submitted the baggy full of money at 12.10. it's only 50 mins, so keep the comments to yourself.

there's this woman that actually scolded me when i asked for donation.
she went 'what makes you think they are the only ones that need this money? you know how many ppl i have at home that needs it more?!'

what, like i care?!

another one saw me approaching, immediately change direction of where he was heading. he could just go, 'oh, i don't wanna donate.' but no. no no no. he used body language. wow.

there was a bonus for this thing tho. i collected the most out of the group =)
i'm proud of it.

there's this lady that gave me 8 bucks when i gave her my most brilliant smile.
lala. x) rachel they all were like 'eh eh put into my bag don't put into hers!!'
-___-

we went to cathay to eat lunch and then took neos.
lunch was at long johns. it was great. cos i was hungry.
neos were great too. lala.

if i don't sound pleasant, sorry abt it.
i'm just in a very grumpy mood here.

life's been rather screwed up these days.
screwed up big time.
i've been moodswingish lately.. for valid reasons.
i don't act this way for attention; hello~

i really don't get her; seriously.
she thinks i'm the one that told on her.

i wasn't.
what is her problem.

oh sure. like she'll be convinced.
why should i even be vexing abt this anyway?

it's not worth it.
right?

if i could actually told her straight into the face who exactly was the one that told on her, i wouldn't even be in this mess.
but i can't. fcuk.

why?
she'll hate that person all her life.

i'm so SCREWED UP.

» 8:00 PM

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

i'm isolating myself from now on.

bye.

» 10:09 PM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

nothing much happened today.

went for dinner with relatives. albert kor kor 21st birthday. lol.
i only wished him happy birthday after we ate the cake. what manners.

joyce and nelson were there also.
haven't seen them for such a long time.
now even joyce is tanner than me.
that makes me the fairest among all my cousins already. =(
man.
i compared my tan with hers, it was like one black one white. crap.
she plays bball now.
nelson also.
fine, i slack the most; whatever. =P

oh well. the dinner was okay larh. mummy came late. DAMN late.
lucky i went there myself. xD
went home at abt 8 plus larh.
i was like damn tired for some unknown reason.
slept all the way throughout the car ride.

that's abt it.
bye all.

» 10:43 PM

Thursday, April 14, 2005

i was like reading through my last post.

many thoughts went through my mind.
thoughts like how psychotic i actually was.
thoughts like thinking no one cared?

my god.
me and my stupid moodswings.
what's wrong with me?!

» 10:49 PM

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

sighh.
life's a total bitch.

nothing's going right. at all. especially now. my handphone's gone; my results sucked. in a pissed off mood. no why am i even saying this in the first place? no one would even care if i'm pissed off at all right.

feeling so so so insecure abt everything.
sighh.

i don't normally like to post out my feelings in my blog; ppl do tend to read it and go untagged and yeah, you get my point.

but i really don't care now. cos i desperately need to pour out stuff.
i am fed up with life. i'm serious.
what's the point of living a life that's just torturing you every more second when you're breathing in the air around?

what's the point!?

i just want to drop dead and die now.
there's no meaning in life, at all.

crying doesn't help does it?
the feeling just come back all over again after a while. sighh.
anger, hurt, the feeling of being neglected.. it all sucks.

if i could just close my eyes, and never wake up again.
sighh.

i hope it's just due to my pmsing. i hope that's the case.
i hope that this feeling would actually go away sooner or later.
i really hope it does.

if i'm gonna continue feeling this way, i swear i'll break down totally.
sigh. oh yarh i forgot. who cares anyway?

even he doesn't seem to.. sigh.

» 11:30 PM

fcuked up day.

i lost my phone.
some asshole stole it.
HOW GREAT.

fuck that person that stole my phone.
it's only a freaking 3120 that's full of scratches,
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT IT FOR?!

stupid bastard. i HATE you.
or bitch, but whatever.
it's no difference.

FUCK OFF.

» 12:07 PM

Saturday, April 09, 2005

went for training at bedok stadium with nu er, cyn darling and michele!
to train for 4x100m for sports day.
met the 2a and 2c team there.
2a ppl were jo, imee, linda, and shanad. hahaa.
2c ppls were serene, xiang yu, janice, and natasha.

see them run so pressure siah. =/
papa bear met us there also. xD
helped us trained. yayness.

after we went to long john.
michele lu had to go; her mummy angry with her.
so the four of us went there.

we went to bugis later on! x)
this is the funner part. lol.
we took neos, and they turned out really really nice.
even tho our attire was only t shirts and shorts.. and track shoes. hahaa.

i love today.
i love my life.

» 9:50 PM

okay it's like one plus now and i'm blogging abt yesterday, as a matter of fact.

had guides today. so the usual larh. jev mavis serene and me went sg post to eat. but we ate mac for a change instead of the old long john.

guides ended at 5 instead of 6 bcos of the meet the parents thing.

i was suppose to meet him but in the end.. we didn't. sigh. oh well. so went for dinner with mavis and jev at day&night at the tkg bus stop there while waiting for six o clock to come. met rachel and brigitte there; so we ate with them.

now, for the meet the parents day thing.
mummy and papa talked to mrs chen, ah ber, and dm.

best results - from dm.
worst - ah ber.
kinda expected isn't it?

they actually queued up to meet mrs chen for abt an hour; while i enjoyed my time playing bball/netball with the rest using yong jie's ball. x)

we headed home at abt eight close to hitting nine.
and then, i went for the pot luck bbq.
it was fun. hahaa.
it would be better if i wasn't that tired actually.
me and shahirah were like lying flat down near the pool looking up the the sky with only a few pathetic stars.. and, i actually fell asleep. lol.

went home abt 1 larh. which is abt now.

gonna knock out; candy dreams to all. x)

» 1:06 AM

Thursday, April 07, 2005

yo. life's a bitch man ppl.
i hate life. big time.
depressed. sighh.

» 10:08 PM

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

today i'm just damn suay can. fcukup man.
got caught for my socks? IDIOT.

the only good thing was the history test was postponed to next week; but SO WHAT? ahhhh! i'm SO frustrated. english sucked, maths sucked. ipw sucked; bigtime. - !!! - damn fed up.

after school we were suppose to go training at bedok stadium for the relay on sports day, but guess what?
it rained.

what tough luck. today just so suay larh can.
caught a flu; and i've been sneezing the whole day.
and i got caught in the rain after tuition.

and.. i'm broke, all over again.

» 8:40 PM

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

hiiiiiiiiiii. (x

i may sound hyper; but i'm not.
really tired now? yeah.
did my blog, like finally.
hahaa. it's okay larh. more simple and plain than the previous one.

anyway. went bugis today. lala.
after that went home, to 'study'.
at least i tried; right?
whateverr.

history class test tml. i'm dead shit.
you know why, and i don't wanna specify either.
sighh. i just hope i pass.

have to go search for the ipw stuff now; crap.
so i gtg. bye.

ilYOO.

» 9:50 PM

Monday, April 04, 2005

hey. hey. HEY.

it's been like a long time since i've officially blogged. is it? but whatever. i wanna blog; i'm in the mood for blogging. xD

first of all; my hp's confiscated. until this thursday. exactly on the dot when my bill ends. how planned my mum can get. >.<>ed.
history's on wednesday, i mustn't give up on that. x)

okay, now for daily happenings.
it rained today, damn. my shoe, as usual, got totally wet.
went to singpore post at paya lebar for lunch with yy cyn and 'aida. cyn poned drama!! hahaa. the rest went bowling larh, i'm anti-bowler didn't wanna go; but i should have went. idioooot.

had math tuition just now. 7.3o to 9.3o. first lesson today. it was pretty okay? a lot of familiar faces there. haha.

OH OH OH! btw. jo if you're reading this i couldn't return your call FOR THAT FACT, i don't have my handphone to refer to your number. LOL. i'm sooo sorry okay.

gtg gtg gtg.
love all out there to bits and pieces to atoms and molecules!! xD
GOOD NIGHT.

» 11:39 PM

Sunday, April 03, 2005

» 9:58 PM

Saturday, April 02, 2005

went to cchms campfire; it wasn't that borign as i expected it to be. kinda fun actually. but now, i'm suffering with a major sore throat.

had piano in the afternoon, after that rushed to library to meet the rest for the ce project.
in the end. we ended up at bk parkway. LOL. so expected isn't it.

today's kinda okay. but my mood's just not right. especially at this very moment. feeling.. dead. i'm like just blogging, for the fact i know i must have the responsibility to blog. just feeling bloody fcuked up. school sucks. life sucks. everything sucks. i'm worrying for my bill, that's coming in 5 days' time. sighh. just wished i could cry out loud. and just.. die that way.

i'm such so persimisstic. fcuk it.

» 11:40 PM

TAGGERS REPLIES.

ying: hahaa. nice one.
shearen~: HELLO. it's been a long time since i went online. pardon me shearry.
mE`-: weiru right? stop aruging with yy. your grandchildren are vicky and syaza btw; if you actually forgot due to your age. =x oOOps.
ALEXANDRIA (: : actually. you HAVEN'T. LOL. thanks for inviting me to red rain, it was cool. x)
lol: yeah. i guess i was. right?

» 12:29 AM

hey hey hey!!
just showered.
got back from red rain concert. LALA. it was great.
kinda tired now larh actually.

i just came back; what do you expect. zZZz.
the concert finished at 9 plus plus.
after that went with alex jenn and the rest to bk at ps to eat our late late dinner. hahaha.
made lotsa new new friends due to thie concert. really happy.

on the way back to home we took the mrt, told a lot of racist jokes. LOL. now chiwen thinks that i'm racist. OMG.. hahaa. i can't believe i can STILL laugh at that stupid blackcurrant joke. zZZz. i heard for the like how many times already.

REMINDER REMINDER!!
I AM NOT RACIST.
REALLY.

» 12:15 AM