Friday, March 31, 2006
i hate to be sad.i hate to go around, having that face that tries so hard to fake a smile. it's so hypocritical, that i start to think that i hate myself. it's hard for me to really be happy these days. sometimes, i even forget the fact that i was even happy once.
i tried thinking of stuff that made me really happy. like on my birthday, like on valentine's day, like when we were at sentosa. i wondered where all those moments went to, i wonder if they'll be gone for good.
the sight i see everyday around me saddens me further. i fucking hate the way everything's happening right now; she ignoring her whenever she wants, she obliviously hurting her, she not wanting to wake up from her small nightmare. i watch all this happen before my eyes, and yet i can't do anything abt it. i stood by the side with folded arms, and watched all these happen as i see them breaking down one by one.
every morning when i wake up, i wished i didn't have to open my eyes. i wished i wouldn't have to face the torture like i did the day before. i wished i could just run away, and forget all the pain.
but i can't. they're people i love. they're people that made my life great. they're people i must never stop caring for - they're people that i should help make happy.
and when the train of thoughts comes to this, everything falls back to pieces..
before i know it, i'm back to square one. i can't possibly run away from all these, i got to face it, i've got to conquer this.
now at this moment of time, i need someone to go through all this with me. and that person is you. sorry may mean nothing to you anymore; for i'd let you down too many times to count. it's to the extent to where i know nothing i say will make things right. but i want you know, that i'm sorry for all that i've done. i love you.
it feels like a million needles piercing through my heart. while the blood flows, i feel too numb to feel the pain.
» 9:06 PM
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
school's been great. surprisingly eh?i amused myself today on studying how rainbows are formed when i did my physics article after school at Shearen's with jo. she did on microwaves. so jo.
i feel good, though things aren't right. i feel your pain. you feel my pain.
i want to see a double rainbow! :DDDDDDDD
i haven't even seen a rainbow in a loong time.
sigh.
» 10:31 PM
26th march, that sunday night.
i cried in his arms.
i cried so loudly in the playground, that ppl started kepo-ing and came down to see what the commotion was about.
he walked me home hand in hand. i thought it'll be the last time we'll ever walk together.
he hugged me goodbye, and i left him there.
i was fucked up. i was so sad. i was so disappointed. i walked home crying, i showered crying, i slept crying, i seeked comfort - crying.
i'd never cried this much and this badly for a long time. the last time i cried this badly was when i fell down during sports day during primary school when i was about P3. that was five years ago. my mum caught me crying that night, she asked me what's wrong and if i wanted to talk; i told her to leave me alone. she hugged me anyhow, telling me that whatever happened was no big deal, and that i'm a brave girl, and that i should be strong. i've been strong enough already, i've been strong for too long a time.
he msged me, he told me not to cry anymore. he told me to forget, he told me to forget everything abt us. he said he'll be there for me, but only as a friend now. it made me cry even more. it made me hurt and bleed more. i didn't sleep the night; i cried the night. i didn't even want to close my eyes. the moment i do, flashes of memories and moments we shared together play like a film without sound in my mind. a film that ended distortedly - a film where she was left there bleeding alone.
27th march, monday.
good morning world.
i switched on my phone first thing in the morning, i wanted to get an sms. yeah i got one - but it wasn't from him. it wasn't the usual 'good morning dear' i got like before. it hit me once again, it reminded me again. wake up abby.
my eyes were puffed, my soul felt the verge of death. but i tried to be happy. i tried to laugh. but i failed. when i took out my pencil case, i rmb vday. when i checked the time, i rmbed who had the similiar brown one. when i took out my wallet for recess, i rmbed the one that bought it for me. but still, i stayed strong, i didn't want to break to pieces after all that i've built up. i didn't want to appear weak.
school ended. he msged me.
"where are you? can meet me awhile?"
"still at school. my mum coming at 430 to meet me. what time you wanna meet?"
"anytime. you decide."
"about five? but where?"
"anywhere."
"okay then i meet you at kembagan."
"kk. but kembagan where?"
"lol. you decide on that then."
"then nvm. i don't think there's need anymore."
"why so fickle?"
"nvm lah it's alright. don't meet le."
"okay then. but if you want to meet just call me. i'll meet you de. tc. [:"
"there really isn't a need anymore. take care."
i wanted to cry again, and i did. i listened to Kiss Goodbye, the song he sent me that night and i started crying all over again.
i felt so weak. i needed him so much then. i missed him so much. i needed to see him. i needed him to be by me.. it was my turn to msg him.
i asked him to accompany me for a jog that night. i just wanted to see him. he agreed, and so we met.
we met at the connector. i didn't dare to look at him into the face. i was afraid they would roll down my face and i'll feel numb all over again. i didn't want those flashbacks that i had like the night before to sting my heart so bad again. i was weak enough. it hurts to look at him, and yet you know you can't have him anymore.
we didn't jogged in the end. instead, we walked the small lanes like we did in the past. we talked like friends at first, until the punchline came - he asked me if i was happy.
i felt strangely sad all over again, just like what happened the night before. i thought him no, i know i won't be happy. i told him i tried hard today, and i failed. i told him without him, i wouldn't be what i am today. he passed me his phone, it was at his drafts page, the page where he saved smses from me.
this time, there were smses saved from him too.
as i read the messages, they flowed down my cheeks all over again.
one of the messages told me why he wanted to meet me in the afternoon. he wanted to talk abt us, he wanted to redecide what to do abt us. but he thought i was happy, when i went 'lol', and '[:'.
it made me realise how much i need him. it made me realise how much attached i am to him. how much i depend on him to smile. i gave in. i hugged him real tight. the feeling of comfort on him felt so right, so good, so warm, so protecting. i'll always need him, today, tomorrow and for always.
if there was a word more than love to describe how i feel for him, i would use it.
» 9:05 PM
Monday, March 27, 2006
i miss you so much.i can't forget the way you hugged me while i cried ytd.
i can't forget the way you held my hand as you walked me home for the last time.
i can't forget the way i pleaded with you not to let go.
i can't forget how much i love you;
i can't forget you.
i can't forget us.
i can't take it all this fuck anymore.
» 6:56 PM
Sunday, March 26, 2006
by the way.HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELSON LOSER.
(:
» 7:15 PM
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been.
i read through my archives, dating from one year ago from now. fuck, i feel so disgusted with myself. i spelt lah as larhhs, nah as maarhs, and when i go mooack, i go smuahhhhhs. and i go love you love there in almost every entry post. so error.
there were a few emo wrecks that i've been through in the past. and i swear, i bursted out laughing when i read my own post. haha. i sounded so bimbotic, and i typed like the iwantthewholeworldtoknowi'msad way.
it's amazing how i almost forgot who i used to be. and what/who actually made me who i am today.
it's weird how much ppl change.
i've changed so much,
in just a year.
» 2:37 PM
Saturday, March 25, 2006
AH i'm PMS-ing. Shahirah says so, and so does Sheldon. but wtf, you can't blame me right? right right right? i've been home for the whole day cos my mummy don't let me out. ): hai, i miss Liting, Yanjia and Gary they all but yet i can't meet them. cry for me everyone. i feel so screwed, about as screwed as i feel when i try to figure out amaths.i read shahirah's lime magazine feb copy just now.
the last page got me laughing like crazy. hahahaa.
Animal Instincts - Ki'ern Tan
# Chimpanzees hold the quickest mammal sexual intercourse session at an average of just three seconds.
# Mosquitoes actually mate while buzzing in the air. The downside? Their aerial sexual acrobatics last all of two seconds. No wonder frustrated female mozzies are such pesky bloodsuckers.
# Minks are known to go at it for an average of eight hours! That explains why the ladies are always all smiles when they receive mink coats.
# It makes good sense that most turkeys and giraffes are bisexual - more choices for all.
# Been getting complaints about the size (or lack thereof) of your ahem.. pecker? Take heart. An adult gorilla's penis is only TWO inches long.
# On the other end ofthe spectrum is the rhinoceros with a penis of about (faint!) two feet long. Who's a big boy now?
# Humans, fish and porpoises share a common sexual practice. They perform fellatio. (fellatio: oral stimulation of the penis)
# The penguin only had one single orgasm in a year. And who could blame 'em? Sitting on ice-blocks the year round would freeze anyone's nuts off!
# Humans and porpoises also have one more common sexual practice in common. Group sex.
# The sperm of a mouse is actually longer than the sperm of an elephant.
# Because a female bedbug has no vagina, the male uses his curved penis to drill a sexual opening into her.(LOL.)
# Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
# No matter what a stud she says you are in the bedroom, a porker beats you hands down. A pig's orgasm lassts about 30 seconds. Beat that.
LOL. laugh everyone. i like that bedbug fact. :D
» 5:37 PM
Friday, March 24, 2006
CAMERA WHORING!-donna goh.
the pictures attempted in the toilet.
1st attempt: notice the line in the middle?
(AND NO NICOLE, it's not a claw on the right.)
2nd attempt: Jo's hair looks stained, and my face is covered. >.<
3rd attempt: TADAH! best one among all the rest. though a lil blur. haha. we were in the handicapped toilet. :X
» 9:56 PM
caught Failure to Launch at Suntec with the usuals. it's been such a long time since i've actually officially gone out with them; ponning guides was hell darn worth it. those that were selected to go for NDP parde marching (which includes me) got scolded really badly today. Rachel told me we got to write a five hundred word essay reflection. hell fuck. but no choice, i'll be writing it for the sake of the trip to NZ. i want to go there desperately.
ate at LJ Marina Square. funny how we hurried there from Suntec and back from Marina Square to Suntec again to be in time for the movie. I was walking with either Jo, Shearen or Donny most of the time. Mee and Ni were strolling ALL the way i swear. cos ni.. uhh, feels uncomfortable. ah, that's the word! (: so anyway, we were running in pairs. and it was either Donny or Jo that commented that it feels like the Amazing Race. and Shearen added, "LESBIAN EDITION." LOL. ppl look at us as if we were crazy. embarrassing shit.
don and me reached LJ first. and yupp, been a looong time since i dined food at LJS. lorl. it's amazing how i'm still so familiar with all the prices that i could just calculate Shearen's Value One with an upsized ice tea add cheese in abt less than a minute. "$4.60 right?" i told her. and she gave me that look. :X
took a few fucking hilarious pictures in one of Suntec's toilet with my digicam. i forgot it was actually ILLEGAL to take pictures in public toilets.
To the person that cried on my shoulder today :
i'm sorry for what i've done, in one way or another to how i made your tears stain your face.
i know we've drifted. it's always you that msgs me, sms me, or contact me first. it's never me. well, it's not that i don't care. just that.. i don't know, i've been preoccupied. i do care for you as much as i've used to. maybe even more now, after seeing how fragile you are inside actually. what i thought as a goodbye hug you gave me today turned out out as a shoulder you wanted to cry on to let all your emotions of sadness, anger, and maybe even disappointment out. i know this might sound very error and a whole huge emo shit, but i know that ten years down the road, where maybe both you and i may not be contacting anymore, or that you won't be here in singapore anymore since you hate every inch of this country so much; i'll still remember that it was you and the rest that made my secondary school life great. i'll still remember that you guys were the ppl there for me when i was screwed up. i'll still remember you guys were the ones that bought me a patheticly small birthday cake from breaktalk and delivered them all the way to school(wearing all black and even got chased out of school by DM) bcos i had guides and couldn't go out with you guys to celebrate. dearest, if you ever think that i don't care for you; that's a big fat mistake. i love you. this may sound lesbian, but yes, i really care for you. and i want you to be okay.
love. <3
» 8:10 PM
Thursday, March 23, 2006
okay so what's up! i feel so high today omfg.okay lah had english test today after school. it was kinda okay lah, just that i think i missed out the address part on the format of the situational writing but aiyah wtf lah. don't care le.
as usual, my pms-ed mum wants to fetch me from school.. so okay lah. just let her fetch loh. had laksa for lunch. went home after that, slacked, sleeped, comed. [:
i actually settled down to do emaths today. felt like a bloody bimbo, i look at the questions and my mind went blank. and so, i decided to SOS - shahirah. :D
she came over to teach me maths. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. (applause please.)
we were at the balcony table, and all those funny funny flies that are attracted to light started attacking us. one dived into shahirah's bag while another almost dived straight into my glass of ribena, but it missed and landed on the table. HAHA, stupid fly.
so much for a good studying environment. so we migrated from the balcony table to my dining table. finished my maths there. and seriously, i felt like 'abby, there's *ting! hope.' :D
as i've mentioned, i've been high today. shahirah complained she was hungry cos she haven't eaten dinner and same goes for me too. we raided the fridge. got marshmallows, kuah lapis, and whipped cream.(don't ask.)
price is sick i tell you. she just smeared the whip cream into a cup like no one's business. and i roasted my marshmallows in the toaster cos i couldn't start the gas stove, smth wrong with it. =/ hhaha.
i'm beginning to appreciate school lah.
but definitely not maths.
» 11:00 PM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
TADAH!new skin new skin.
made it myself, from scratch.
at least my day isn't wasted,
since i didn't go school today.
had a slight headache.
so i decided to give school a miss. :D
save the everyday different colour idea,
and definitely not simran's idea. >.<
it's no longer pink anymore tania.
but i hope you still like it. tee he he.
(REFER TO TAGBOARD).
btw, the tagboard looks a lil different now.
but it works the same way.
just highlight the text and write what you want to tag.
i didn't like borders; so i took them away.
very well! enjoy. (:
» 7:26 PM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
btw. i wanna change my skin. bored with this one. chanfe the scheme to pink! :D maybe i should like have a every day different colour thing.today pink.
tml, applegreen?
thursday, blue!
friday, purpleeeee.
agah agah agah.
shut up abby.
» 8:46 PM
i feel so bad now.
i'll tell you why.
i rmbed few days back, i was slacking at home. my stomach start growling like a mad dog barking.. and yeah, i was hungry. invaded my kitchen even though i didn't expect to find something decent to eat around there. BUT, when i opened the fridge, i saw this typical-supermarket-but-yet-sooooo-tempting kind of cheesecake right before my eyes. i didn't really wanna care why the cheesecake was there. it's unusual for a cheesecake to set foot in my house. but yeah, i still didn't care. i was hungry shit. so i cut a slice out of that cake and ate it. i didn't think abt it at all after that again.
until,
my mum mentioned at dinner just now.
"oui, you eat the cheesecake ah?"
"yeah. quite long ago already. why?"
"you know that is mini's(my maid) birthday cake anot?"
.....):
» 8:29 PM
Sunday, March 19, 2006
i had a huge fight with my mum ytd. she missed called me 40 over times. whee. break record le. she supposedly confiscated my handphone, room phone, ezlink card(don't ask why) and computer.BUT.
i'm online now. so the com's back.
so is my handphone.
and my room phone upgraded from a corded one to a cordless. ;D
what's wrong w/ my mum? i don't know. seriously. somehow, i think the arguement we had ytd was worth it. v for vendetta was really nice. i like his mask! teehee. so cool, especially the part where everyone wore the same stuff as they walked towards the parliament.
life's great. and i'm happy the way things are.
cheerios.
» 8:09 PM
Thursday, March 16, 2006
i'm feasting on chocolates now when my pimples are on the verge of bursting. >.<i went back to school today nine in the morning. what fuck. it was practically more of slacking, and talking, and eating. jev has a point, and i agree w/ that too. congrats to you on winning the mock election btw. (:
mavis, jy, jev and me headed to parkway to buy some deco materials for the big day tml. eeyer, my mum actually came down and bought us drinks and curry puffs. o.O sometimes, she gets too nice that it freaks me out.
went to meet sheldon after that. oh well. we were both damn shagged, and we didn't know where to go. lol. so went to his house and watched some tv; while his brother goes DotA-ing away. lame shit.
i didn't feel like staying home. so i called price, and tadah. we headed to siglap mcD. lol. SHE HAD A BIMBO ACT THERE. she toppled my hot fudge sundae and gave a loud shriek. FUNNY SHIT. and she actually had the nerve to ask that guy behind the counter for more hot fudge, since most of the ratio that spilled out was hot fudge. lorrrl. sooo damn funny lah.
did i tell you i feel more consoled now? sara and me gave each other a 'hug'. lol. i thought i was the only one, and she thought she was the only one too. now we both know. we ain't alone. :D
i've been so busy this hols that i haven't even seen any of them. well, maybe not exactly busy; should i say umm, preoccupied? =/ it's not that i don't care. okay fine it might seem as if i don't, but the thing is i don't even have time to care. i know it sounds wrong, but hello. when i don't even have time for myself. would i be able to help you? i do care okay! just that, i really don't have the time. i'm serious. i'm not pissed w/ you just bcos i didn't call you or at least i didn't bother abt you(if that's how you wanna phrase it). friendships goes a long way; and when i don't call you for just a few days, it doesn't mean it's like 'ee i don't like you anymore.' cmon lah. we're not primary school kids that argue abt who cheats over catching anymore right? i need space to breathe, so do you. don't think too much. i still care for you as i've always did like before. and being PISSED w/ you is the furthest thing that could happen. oooooooooooooookay?
to those friends, i really miss you guys. sigh.
P.S: donna made two shit weird funny statements today.
1. "i want a boyfriend."
2. "i wanna be an ah lian."
comments pls. thank you. (:
» 10:03 PM
Monday, March 13, 2006
got this from simran's blog.so here goes. (:
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. abby.
2. abygail.
3. BEEBEE, -.-
PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. eyes.
2. uh, hands?
3. umm umm umm, ears?
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON`T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. PIMPLES.
2. MY OUT OF CONTROL HAIR.
3. MY FAT TUMMY.
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. my great grandpa had five wives.
2. 147 haig road was the house.
3. my mum's a hainan, but she speaks hokkien. =/
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. COCKROACHES.
2. LIZARDS.
3. ..don't know lah.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. blabbering.
2. chocolates.
3. sleep. ;D
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. 2D class t shirt.
2. fbt shorts.
3. uh, hairband?
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. love.
2. trust.
3. aiyah, just ask sheldon.
THREE PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU AND YOUR SECRETS:
1. YOU PPL KNOW WHO YOU ARE. (:
2. as above.
3. as above above.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. H E I G H T .
2. hair.
3. humour.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. sleep.
2. eat.
3. fun.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. make the phone call after i finish this.
2. get a can of coke.
3. and wash the oil off my face. >.<
THREE CAREERS YOU`RE CONSIDERING/YOU`VE CONSIDERED:
1. PR manager.
2. Innotrek trainer. :D
3. uumm, accountant?
THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. i love the mirror.
2. i'm addicted to combs.
3. i never quit caring abt my pimples.
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. ..anyone?
2.
3.
» 9:57 PM
met up w/ sheldon today then we headed to city hall before my chem remedial. aha. went in search of the bag both of us want to buy. but like always, we still can't find it. T.T anyhow, it was very very fun today; i suan like siao, he also suan me like siao. really missed him alot bcos of camp. today is the first time i actually get to meet him ever since camp break on sat. and that asshole kept rubbing my sunburn. wlaoo. so this is what i get lah. and no, it's not that logic of "DA SHI AI". it's far from that.
the rest went rollarblading today at the beach i think. lazy to wake up so early in the morning so i gave it a miss. so don't say i pangseh you guys already can. it's bcos i was tired. zz.
so after some very unproductive window shopping, we took bus 36 to my school. it was still an hour away from my chem remedial; so i walk w/ him to 33 bus stop. met melson and lemuel on the way. lorrrl. melson actually knows sheldon! same primary school, mbs.
so after chem remedial my mum fetched me home. she's so freaking uptight abt letting me out nowadays. which is shit for me lah. i can't even go for dinner w/ the rest just bcos she wants me to go home and study. lame shit.
gonna support shahirah at her band concert tml w/ sheldon. i can't believe her dad actually offered to pay for both our tickets. >.< so paiseh.
» 7:52 PM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
this picture is so darn cute lah.
but my mood doesn't relate to it,
don't worry. (:
» 11:51 PM
been blog-surfing for like what, the past one hour?
i read
> melson's and lem's essay-long entries on their parents.
> abt the misunderstanding b/w althea and jasmine. -.-
> david's words of relations to everyone. thanks for wishing us the best. (:
> mee's say on the mummy on the bus that scolded her kid.
> vanny's X3M memories.
> nicole's emo-ed after thoughts.
there were more, but my brain just ain't functioning for the moment.
well. let's just do it randomly.
X3M
hey guys. i really enjoyed myself a whole lot spending time getting to know all of you during cca leader camp. we ain't TOOT TOOT like TOOT TOOT, not ROJAK like ROJAK. aha. having one person less in this group won't make things the same. the enthu-ness we have that builds us together will never die. :D credits to vanny for providing me all the members' names. hee.
ME! Abby, Leon, Donna, Nicholas, Yew Chen, Wai kit, Wan Fong, See Hiang, Timonthy, Pen jin[don't know how to spell=)], Poh Heng, Shariff[how to spell his name???], Qing shan, Supanee, Guo Xi, Wei Jie, Sarah, Jolene, Nandeesh, Terrence!
once again, thanks for all the memories.
» 12:04 AM
Saturday, March 11, 2006
w/ a bad sunburn,
and a lost voice.
and a very very sianded mood.
sec twos just don't know how to appreciate what they have. they'll actually die twice if they actually got what we got last year.
especially those that filled the whole survey form with SDs w/o even looking throught the statements. too pampered for words.
» 9:27 PM
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
i don't wish to go around throwing my temper like a gu niang just because things are not going my way.i don't wish to feel sad, when yeah i am feeling sad.
i don't wish to look my phone reading comforting smses from friends and they start rolling down.
i don't wish to live through this thing for another day.
i don't wish i don't wish i don't wist for these to all happen.
but, it already did. sighh.
» 11:29 PM
mother, thanks for giving up on me.
» 8:23 PM
Saturday, March 04, 2006
tag replies.ever since i've not replied. ahha.
S: you love abby? i love sheldon. ;D
sarah: haha, don't worry lah. i'm fine already.
weirong: lol, thanks. (:
KoR: YEAH YEAH WHATEVER. yupp go marina square better!
Roy~: like you can find anything like that. lol.
imee: oh is it? sorry abt it.
Justin: lorrrl. thanks for the lotion btw. mine receovered already.
fiza: ahha i know that. ain't that lamed up to believe anonymous, =x
» 10:25 PM
and i'm back from camp,
with a bad bad sun burn. ):
my face itches like crazy now. but yep, the camp was seriously great. we went to raffles marina country club at TUAS(canyoubelievethat) with high class air-conditioned toilets that has sofas. aha, cool right. what did we actually get for cohort camp last year man. mud, milo river, dirt, and lots of other.. eeyer. the sec twos this year are so freaking lucky to actually have their camp at a MODERNIZED area.
well, X3M rocks.
"XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXtreme!"
lol. i love all of you man.
we were united,
"one team, one spirit, ONE TIMOTHY."
LOL.
got in to the 40 ICs for cohort camp next week. so did most of my pals. it's a big big waste that weijie isn't in; not everyone among the 40 of us deserves the place more than weijie does loh. wth.
shag already lah. i need sleep. thanks to the bloody wellington kids that wanted to play pokemon catching the previous night and woke practically all of us up at like what, 3 in the morning when we tucked in at abt 12? wtf. how cute they are i also want to slap them siah. >.<
see you anyway. yawns.
» 8:32 PM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
imee relieved me of alot of my pissness just now when she agreed to play with me the smack hand game. shouting 'fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou' and smacking her hand at the same time seriously helped me a whole fucking lot.i don't care abt the -ABBY WILL NOT BE VULGAR ANYMORE- thing. today shall be an exception. cos i'm extremely fucking pissed.
let's name some of the fucked up stuff that's been happening.
firstly.
fuck my results. it's the first time in the whole of my ENTIRE life that i've actually failed so many subjects. so what if get A1 for ss and chem? I FUCKING FAILED FOUR OTHER SUBJECTS. if you think it's NOT depressing; why not put yourself in my shoes and i'm sure you'll feel like slapping yourself so badly that your cheeks will turn the colour of blood.
secondly.
fuck MRS HWANG for picking on me all the time. WTF IS HER PROBLEM? is she like what, afraid that i'll tell the whole class that i saw her on saturday at BK parkway wearing some revealing outfit? LAME SHIT LAH.
thirdly.
fuck my eye infection. it sucks that i got to strain my eye to look. the disgusting yellow pus is so disgusting that it almost got me hating the shade of yellow when it's in fact my favourite colour.
LASTLY.
FUCK the fact that it doesn't pay to be kind. so much for concern, so much for the fact i care and the fact that you FUCKING don't care. i have a limit, but i don't think you have any fucking limit to how much fuck you can actually show ppl.
fuck doesn't seem to have any effect when i say it now.
it's just like, ..fuck.
» 8:15 PM