Saturday, July 30, 2005

MY TAGBOARD IS PROBLEMATIC.

» 9:03 PM

Thursday, July 28, 2005

oh whatever, really larh.

anyway, tagger's shoutbacks.

weiru: don't piss larh, i love you (:
richny: haha, i know my blog nice larh. =x anyway i don't know how to answer yoru question, it a paritally true story, just that i twisted the part when i made fun of him. i'm not that mean kay. lol.
xc: xiaocong! didn't know you read my blog derh. haha, what's your blog url?
jinghan: you go ask weiru lorh. lol. yeah i wrote it. (:
rahhx': hahaa YOU LIL GIRL i looooove you, stop calling me woman larh!
vestige.fx: i didn't go to the mayfire campfire larh. haha. i just like the word, ad infinitum. but guess what, i don't know who you are. hahahaa. soo sorry. leave your name the next time. hees.

» 6:17 PM

maybe the answer hasn't came to me yet - how long do you want me to wait?
what i posted wasn't referring to you, really.
i know you think i am, i know that you know exactly what i'm talking abt.

how do you want me to tell you how i feel.
you think it's that easy? sighh.

it's sooooooo bullshit.
everything's so fcuking abt pretendence.
why can't everyone just get real?
maybe this world just wasn't meant to fit me.
sighh.

one word can change everything.
my heart just keeps drooping, more and more each day.
just trigger the alarm,
and the tears will fall.

» 6:00 PM

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON I EVER LEARNED.

Being ignorant and not caring about other's feelings has always been part of my character since I was young. Many have asked me to change, but I would simply shoot back, "I would only change it it's for myself. If you can't accept me for who I am, that's your problem."

I had never really understood why exactly people asked me to change. From my own point of view, I think of myself as just merely speaking my mind. That was just my attitude; but it was only a matter of time before I really understood.

Nicholas was this boy in my class that everyone referred to as the 'cap boy'. He wore his cap all the time in school. I swore I had never seen him taking it off, nor have I seen the hair underneath it. Somehow, I loved to comment on his cap. I always found some way or another to give my comments on it, or criticized the most miniscule of things. A part of me knew that I never really mean what I said; all I wanted was just some fun mocking him.

To the fact that he never retaliated or showed much emotion to my comments, it startled me. I want to irk him; I wanted my comments to get to him... it never did, though. I never really managed to hit that 'raw nerve'. Every time, he would just give me that trademark smirk, with his lips slightly curving. Besides that smile, he never uttered even a word of displease about it.

This mocking continued throughout the semester. It didn't take a rocket scientist to guess who my choice target of insults were. I never felt guilty for my actions whatsoever. As I've said, I just believed that it reflected my true character. I did not think he took my comments to heart, as he never got angry before.

The first day of the next semester, Nicholas's seat was empty - for the first time. Maybe he's sick, I thought to myself.

I meant 'sick' in the way that he was only having something like a fever or flu, or maybe some coughing. Yes he was sick; but not the way I expected it to be.

I didn't know what to think when Ms Robinson announced to the class that we would not be seeing Nicholas anymore. All this while he had leukemia, a kind of blood cancer. His condition has worsened and her was not able to attend school anymore.

His cap - was to cover his baldhead.
His cap - was not a choice to whether he wanted to use it or not.

My seemingly innocent fun - ostracizing his appearance, was not so innocent after all. I felt disgusted with myself for deriving pleasure out of putting down a person who did not have the freedom of choice; I felt myself feeling hurt for what I did. When those comments were suppose to get to him, they backfired and stabbed me instead; like a boomerang that I have thrown which is coming back to me.

He passed away three months after he stopped schooling. He could not take his Primary School Leaving Examination results; he passed away shortly before it was released.

"I would change if it’s for myself" - it's time, I made the decision to change.

The guilt is too much to bear. I wished I had a rewind button in my hand to go back in time and erase all the things I have done… but it is just too late. Maybe you would be wondering why this was, and still is, such an important lesson to me. This incident taught me how it was like to feel hurt; it thought me about sensitivity. It helped me to grow in maturity, and to read between the lines, and last but not least, what it feels like to lose a friend - forever.

(643 words)

» 11:36 PM

Monday, July 25, 2005

another tiring day. sighh.
i feel like throwing away all my gluminess.
if i actually had a choice.

» 10:48 PM

Sunday, July 24, 2005

okay life's lame.
my whole body like jelly now. bleaghs.
i'm so so so so tired. damn bad mood.
so yes, i don't really wish to talk abt my day.

still sick, still on 5 different kinds of medication.
fcuk.

anyway, i really got to let some stuff out:
appreciate what you have, at this moment of time. it's not like everyone has to do it your way. it's sickening how you like to show attitude to ppl, and when ppl show them to you; you bitch abt it. you call that logic? i call that being unreasonable. i really don't care what you think, or what you say abt it. cos seriously, every word that comes out of your mouth means nothing to me anymore. stop being pissed and being unsatisfied with what ppl do. do it yourself it you think it ain't perfect. nothing is, if that happens to be a slip of your mind. maybe you should just reflect on your actions and how they have pissed and hurt many.

» 11:02 PM

-ABBY* x pmsing? ; said:
my life is ARGGH!
let me show yu the way`- is it enough to love ; x ] july 23 #11.45 pm* i left the past,/ we are foreverrr <33 said:
whoa whoa
let me show yu the way`- is it enough to love ; x ] july 23 #11.45 pm* i left the past,/ we are foreverrr <33 said:
cool!
- ABBY* x pmsing? ; said:
..

sighh.

» 10:58 PM

Saturday, July 23, 2005

okay it's repaired.

no time to blog now. later kay.
going over to shahirah's. got bbq.
ahha. another round of asss fun! (:

byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

» 7:42 PM

hi. my tagboard is not working.
i'll get it repaired asap kay.
so sorry!

» 10:18 AM

Friday, July 22, 2005

new skin.
how abt it?
haha. simplicity's the thing once again.

i don't know why i even used billabong in the first place.
but wth larh, it's cool for me.

sick today. damn sick.
weiru came over just now!
ahha. then we chat chat eat eat.

lalalaala.
get to skip speech day. hees.
fellow guides friends must be probably asking the vips their orders at this moment of time now. =x i'm sooooooooooo evil.

feeel so relaxed now;
but still got to practise piano.
piano exam coming up. d a m n .
twenty-second august.
wish me luck man.

» 6:56 PM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

i'm not addicted to blogging now.
don't know why.
there's like, alot of things in my mind that i need to say..
but i just can't put them down in words.
things are just too mixed up.
.. you get the picture.

michele came over to my house for a swim today.
swam till abt four plus and i left for tuition at five.
found a gucci watch at the poolside. haha.
not sure if it's a fakey or genuine larh.
but it's darn ugly. gucci so disgusting man.

did my oral presentation today too.
think i screwed up.
so obvious that my work was one-day-settle-everything work. lol.
chow's one was great. alot of points.

and guess what, shahirah gave me that surfbabe bag. whee.
i've been like eyeing that bag since god knows how long.
can't even find it in stores anymore. haha.
thanks sp (;

people don't do things mindlessly, did you know that?
for everything someone does, she/he does have a reason behind it.
it's not simply for fun, peace, and laughter of cos.
there's a reason untold, that lies beneath all.

when it's time to speak, the truth will be told.
when the jigsaw pieces starts to fall in place,
you'll understood me.

it's no use being digusted with me.
you don't know what's going through my mind.
i don't want you to ask, cos yes. i don't want you to know.
why? hah. must i tell you anyway?

sorry, for victimizing the onlookers.
sorry, for disgusting the involvers.

» 10:01 PM

Sunday, July 17, 2005

nono really.
i think it's the other way round.

hah. i don't need you.
anyway.

» 3:18 PM

alright.
so yes, i haven't been blogging lately larh. lol.

no time, what can i do right?
stoooopid tuition. sighh.
all my pimples coming back again. ahha.

anyway, today's a sunday.
i loooooooove sundays man. x)
so relax. haha.

later got to go my first uncle's house for steamboat.
grandma not in, so it's like celebrating larh. =x
kinda bad, but they way she treat my first aunt is way worse.
always accuse her. walao. lame man.

i hope samantha's there later. haha.
so long never see her lerh.
wheewen there she confirm will be there de larh.
couples. zzz.

yesterday went cycling!
cycling has always been my thing,
just that i don't have a bike on hand. oh well.
after tania, cyn and me finished the d&t,
we headed to ecp, to cycle.

sky joined us larh, lol.
he reached in like, 10 minutes on bike. wth.
so we cycled from 5 to 6 plus.
after sky sent me to the wrong underpass to parkway.
haha. it was my fault larh, lousy sense of direction.
i had to pass marvin the stupid souvenir,
and then meet shahirah to buy simran's present.

reached home like, nine plus.
mummy face damn black can. =x
she didn't let me go to simran's at twelve sharp to give her the present.
so yeah, the present's still with me, now.

anyway, i got that watch i've been eyeing for 2 months!
like finally.
got it from parkway, 9.90.
they brought in some more stock. wheeness.
i thought i had to go all the way to citylink to get it.

today's simran's and michelle's birthday.
haha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU TWOO. (:

loove you guys,
bye. (:

» 1:30 PM

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

in the com lab now.
sorry, didn't have time to blog at all for the past few days.
school's been rather stressed, and i've been pmsing like siao.
zZZz.

anyway, caught war of the worlds at cathay yesterday with michele sky and yennying.
it's really really touching; i don't understand how yy could actually bring herself to laugh at it.
lol. but the ending sucked larh. so dumb.

bought someone's present there.
haha. her birthday's coming up, so me and sky share the present.

after that go for tuition. late half an hour cos it was raining.
so yeah, the normal hectic life i have.
it's like i have no free time at all.
sighh.

later headng fo tm, i think. haha.
celebrate yasmin's belated birthday.
bleaghs.

oh well, bye.

» 12:17 PM

Saturday, July 09, 2005

just posted another skin at blogskin.com.
go visit it. (:
it was made for shearen actually. haha.

http://blogskins.com/info.php?sid=52822

» 11:58 AM

Thursday, July 07, 2005

shout back to taggers.

tania: i went already. go see what i've tagged.
jingy`: hi x)
zee*: i love you too, hazel. lol.
soph: haha, take care too! thanks.

simran: who's that guy anyway? lol. yesyes, i'll smile.
via: haha, thanks. (:

» 2:28 PM

lala.

i finally found time to blog.
tuition nightmares are beginning once again. sighh.

i'm sick today, had a very bad headache.
so yes, i didn't go school.

went cycling ytd at ecp with yy, jk, miko & brian.
i ponned tuition, for the first time.
it was really fun larh.
we thought yy to ride two wheel! haha.
and yea, the funny part was that jk's pants spilt. >.<
they took a pic of it, cool or what. lol.

later got tuition, chinese tuition.
sighh. gtg start on history now.
bye.

» 1:47 PM

Sunday, July 03, 2005

i feel like murdering someone. anyone.
stab that person with a knife in the middle of her forehead.
let her bleed, and die.

feeeling so frustrated now.
fcuk school.
fcuk homework.
fcuk everything.

what's my problem;
i'm getting so vulgar.
sighh.

depressed.
isolated.
who gives a damn anyway?

tell someone abt it?
i rather save my breath.
all they'll do is give you that bloody wide biggie smile.
telling you 'oh it's alright, things will definitely be better.'
oh, you predict the future don't you?

how would you know things would be better?!

just go get a life.
okay?

no, i'm not pmsing.
so don't think i am.

_________________________________________.

went to harbourfront just now abt 3 plus to meet my parents.
took abt 1 hour and a half to travel there. zzz.
bought 3 U2 tank tops; each was 10 bucks.
i like them.

papa treated me to coffee club, i had caesar salad.
lala. i kinda love salads now.
always have this craving for them.
dont ask me why though.

so yeah, headed home abt seven plus.
currently trying to complete my lit h/w.
that three poem thingy.

how the hell do you expect me to write abt;
compassion,
honesty,
leadership,
teamwork,
social responsibility,
and dedication,

WHEN i'm indulging in self-pity?

» 9:04 PM

mjr campfire was last night.
no, we didn't win anything.
not even early bird.

only like a bunch of 20 came. wth right?
serene, mavis, rachel, jy and me were suppose to go out before the campfire.
but we canceled plans cos serene teeth pain and rachel got rashes. lol.
they two also didn't turn up for the campfire. =/

then i was thinking of meeting yy at parkway after that, just to chill.
in the end, i rmb-ed abt that watch i wanted to get at citylink.
so yeah, i asked my mum if she's free to bring me go there.
and yeah, she was free.

but, we didn't go in the end cos my dad came home already.
argh. fuck man.

so i ended up using the com the whole day.
doing my blog etc etc.
i hate friendster's new layout btw;
so eeeeeeeyer. ugly.

» 1:35 PM

Friday, July 01, 2005

okay, typical day today with a twist of humour. x)

me and grace were kajiao-ing mdm rubina during practical lesson when we had to do the experiment on the visking tubing thing.

we went, 'we are having the S P E L L I N G campaign - C A M P A I G N. LOL. then she went, 'this is a S C I E N C E lesson - L E S S O N. not a S P E L L I N G L E S S O N.
haha, grace&me decided to set up a spelling campaign now. xpp so yeah, it was basically a fun fun day. so was lit. so fun teasing sonia yeo. lol.

after school got guides at 2.30. it wasn't the usual 3.00. don't know why so don't ask me why.
settled some ipw stuff after school in the classroom while mavis, jev and serene go ksc to eat. without me =(

it ended at abt 2.15 like that larh. i scared no time so i changed into guides uniform in the classroom. lol. and of cos, i drawed the curtains and closed the doors larh okay. yy got a free show tho. bloody hell.

so long never attend guides already. the sec threes had a trail today. they gonna take over soon; sec fours stepping down.they weren't that bad. actually to say, they damn nice. lol.

had crime prevention test today. lala. it was easy, all common sense questions. cheated somemore, lol.

got back my drawing and the newspaper articles thingy thingy already. drawing got 80/100 and the articles one only got 55. hahaa.

after that went back with serene and mavis. jev take the other direction so can't go backy together.on the bus we gossiped. it's wrong, i know that. but hello, it didn't harm. lol. found out quite a number of shocking news which seems so unbelievable.

why cute guys always like ugly girls arh? zzz. i never ever get it.
it isn't logical, at all.

» 7:52 PM