Friday, March 31, 2006

i hate to be sad.

i hate to go around, having that face that tries so hard to fake a smile. it's so hypocritical, that i start to think that i hate myself. it's hard for me to really be happy these days. sometimes, i even forget the fact that i was even happy once.

i tried thinking of stuff that made me really happy. like on my birthday, like on valentine's day, like when we were at sentosa. i wondered where all those moments went to, i wonder if they'll be gone for good.

the sight i see everyday around me saddens me further. i fucking hate the way everything's happening right now; she ignoring her whenever she wants, she obliviously hurting her, she not wanting to wake up from her small nightmare. i watch all this happen before my eyes, and yet i can't do anything abt it. i stood by the side with folded arms, and watched all these happen as i see them breaking down one by one.

every morning when i wake up, i wished i didn't have to open my eyes. i wished i wouldn't have to face the torture like i did the day before. i wished i could just run away, and forget all the pain.

but i can't. they're people i love. they're people that made my life great. they're people i must never stop caring for - they're people that i should help make happy.

and when the train of thoughts comes to this, everything falls back to pieces..
before i know it, i'm back to square one. i can't possibly run away from all these, i got to face it, i've got to conquer this.

now at this moment of time, i need someone to go through all this with me. and that person is you. sorry may mean nothing to you anymore; for i'd let you down too many times to count. it's to the extent to where i know nothing i say will make things right. but i want you know, that i'm sorry for all that i've done. i love you.

it feels like a million needles piercing through my heart. while the blood flows, i feel too numb to feel the pain.

» 9:06 PM