Sunday, February 11, 2007

Loss.

To how I should perceive this word, I'm not sure anymore.

It didn't use to mean anything much, it could probably meant down to the smallest things like losing your wallet; something which you can replace anytime even if it doesn't get back to you after it's gone. Something which you know you'll get over soon with, and you'll even be glad you'd got an excuse to have a new wallet.

But what happens, when you know you can never replace a replica of what had gone and for that you had regretted all the times you know you'd cared but never ever had the thought to even wanting to tell that person you do?

It didn't hit me as hard as I thought it would when my mum told me on Friday evening. But as I walked into the house about some hours ago, 'condolences', 'deepest sympathies', 'we'll miss you'.. They filled every corner of every space I looked towards to.

It was my cousin's, Shyen's birthday, but yet she had to spend it on her grandfather's funeral wake.

I see all of them looking so lost when they stared at his portrait that stood before the coffin. They prayed, closing their eyes.. and when I look at them, I know they'll miss their grandfather in thousands of ways for how each memory would be etched.. With only images in mind and not the eyes to remind them of his tender smiles and loving words.

My grandauntie took it so badly that looking at her in that reduced state could make me want to tear too.

I tried going to sleep, but I couldn't close my eyes shut without that thought out of my mind.

At least I got to hug him on Christmas.
At least that was the last I saw of him.

I hope my dad's fine by himself at Spain.
I hope he's taking this well.

He's alone there, and I hate to say this but I feel worried.

It's been a rough weekend, and I just hope God could make things better than this - even if it's just by a little.

Tomorrow will be a better day.
It will, I know it will.

» 2:55 AM