Sunday, April 08, 2007
Of love and of hate.
That's what's been flowing through my mind every now and then.
So how do you make yourself let go of something that had been a part of you for too long to count, let go of that something you know should have long be gone years ago?
It comes, and goes, and comes again.. And goes again.
It's hard to break the cycle to know that there wouldn't be anything else to look forward to without that, but yet you just want to play the game and walk away.
The song was on a repeat shuffle last night while I tried to close my eyes to sleep, and it smoothed me to know that the memories were still of a shade of grayscale, at least not at all faded to nothing.
I know the same train of thoughts down memory lane were flowing through your mind yesterday when we both plugged my iPod on the train ride home. I didn't know what to say or what to do to break the awkward silence in the seemingly quite crowded cabin. I guess I was too concentrated on trying to well the tears back in my eyes that I didn't even dare to look your way, just because I was afraid you'll be looking my way too and that you'll happen to catch the watery eyes.
As the song played..
I thought of about how we both used to lean against each other on the slides, looking at the patheticly bare sky, and how I tried to argue with you that there were stars but you said they were satellites.
Of that day when I baked you a cake for your 16th birthday, and when you ate it you fell sick and had a high fever.
Of that Valentine's when I had a great surprise with the present you got me, when actually I didn't expect anything for all I got you was a card with a stupid fucked up poem written on it.
Of when I felt like I was part of your family when your mum invited me to join in for your Grandfather's birthday celebration. And how I got to meet all your cousins, aunties, and uncles.
Of how I used to sit and watch you score the points for the team, and the vulgarities I sweared whenever the other team was leading.
Of every single time you made me hold your shoe bag whenever I accompanied you to play. And you even taught me how to shoot, which I'd failed - cos you said I was too short.
Of the times when we took stupid pictures everywhere and anywhere.
Of the dumb quarrels we used to have, and how we stupidly make up again cos you/I couldn't resist giving a cold shoulder to the other.
Of every other moment you made me smile from the inside, you made me feel whole, you made me think everything would be fine just by saying so when obviously it won't be.
They were all long agos; long agos both of us remembered vividly when we talked about it yesterday.
You have changed. And so have I.
Friends we would remain;
While we wait for the feelings to be washed away.
To a very special person,
S.
» 1:28 PM